National Park Service Dispenses Advice About Bears, Friendship

Ah, yes, the four rules of bear encounters:

1. If it’s black, fight back.
2. If it’s brown, lie down.
3. If it’s white, say good night.
4. If it’s chasing you. . .

Wait. What do you do if it’s chasing you?

Well, according to the National Park Service, what you DON’T do is push over a slower friend.

No, really.

Well, I, for one, have about a thousand follow-up questions.

Luckily, so did a lot of other people– and the National Park Service was more than happy to advise on the surrounding conditions of encountering a bear in the wild with a friend.

Importantly, you should be aware of your status, both in relative speed and in warm fuzzy feelings.

Self-reflection is equally important if you’re just wondering how hungry the lil buddies are coming out of hibernation:

But friendship, like life, can be complicated. . .

And, of course, there’s the obvious question of survival. . . Don’t you want to take down the fittest, so as to become the fittest yourself?

The logic is so compelling, even the bear experts aren’t sure about their answer.

They’re experts about more than bears, though! As it turns out, there’s quite a bit of overlap between bear attacks and relationships; either way, the National Park Service has you covered.

But I’ve saved the best for last. Our patron Saint Three Year Letterman had, as usual, the best take, and it is here I will end– here at the best.