Chelsea Handler Tries Bragging About Being Child-Free, Looks Absolutely Pathetic Instead

Ah, fame. Who can resist its temptations to become an out-of-touch, narcissistic, absolute twat?

Not Chelsea Handler, apparently.

The self-described comedian recently posted a video on Twitter titled “A Day in the Life of a Childless Woman.”

Were this satire, it would have potential to be quite effective, and even almost funny. A video of a child-free woman describing her day as a mockery of people like this who think that being child-free is actually a virtue could be really incisive and witty. My gears are already turning.

But Chelsea Handler lacks both the self-awareness and comedic instinct to execute that kind of video. She doesn’t get that her brand of child-freeness is condescending, let alone that half of the real-life things she describes are privileges held not by those that are child-free, but those that are rich. Like, y’all, I think she actually thinks that not having kids means you also, like, don’t have a mortgage to pay or parents to look after or any of those things that burden us regular people whose family still talks to us.

I’m not even going to dig into how sloppy the actual comedic writing is because it makes me so mad look hyperbole can be effective in comedy but only with some finesse. Like when you talk to a teenager who’s trying to make their peers laugh, how often do you hear wild exaggerations? “Mrs. Smith is the worst sub, she’s like a million years old!” It’s a very easy way to subvert expectations, which is really all a joke is at its core, which is why it’s such a popular tool for amateurs. For hyperbole to actually be legitimately humorous, you need to subvert more than the truth– you have to subvert the expectation of the hyperbolic subversion. That’s why the video could’ve worked as satire: a sarcastic comment on the smugness of the child-free left, who think that by not having children they’re literally as remarkable as someone who summited Mount Everest or bent the fabric of time and physics.

But it doesn’t work, because Chelsea Handler is the smug childfree left, and she’s not funny. The absurdity of the video isn’t a satirical commentary, it’s just what she thinks humor is, because she has the same amount of comedic talent as a ninth grade class clown who acts out because he desperately craves the attention his divorced parents aren’t giving him. The only difference is, that ninth grader might actually improve at comedy.

This self-congratulatory attempt at humor didn’t make anyone think Handler is funny, brave, or even likeable. It just made people think she’s a little pathetic. A lot of Twitter users were quick to point out how lonely and sad her video came across:

All these points are valid (and mostly way funnier than the video– even the ones that aren’t trying to be). I’m not going to harp on the “children are a bundle of joy” thing, because I neither have nor want kids either, but I don’t deserve an award for it. I’m not better than parents just because I think puppies are cuter than babies.

You know who I am– who we are all— better than, though? Chelsea Handler. At least the rest of us are funny once in a while.