Let’s Have An Honest Conversation About Suicide

So, spoiler alert, or trigger warning, or whatever it is you’re supposed to say these days when you’re about to upset people. 

This morning I learned that DJ Stephen “Twitch” Boss, from So You Think You Can Dance, The Ellen Degeneres Show, and Boss Family Workout (a dancer and choreographer who is well known by kids and adults everywhere as being funny, entertaining, positive and encouraging) has committed suicide. 

A few days ago, his wife posted on social media celebrating their anniversary. The day before that they posted a family video with their kids. Life seemed great and the couple seemed to have everything they needed in the world. 

Most of the community is saddened to hear of Twitch’s suicide. People are understandably upset. They feel devastated and a bit lost, especially those who looked up to him as a role model. I, on the other hand, I am extremely angry. Like, SO MAD. What the actual eff.

As a parent whose children have taken classes from Twitch, and as a parent whose teenagers follow him on social media, I’m angry. Looking at the pictures of the wife and three kids he left behind, I’m so very angry.

I nearly died in an accident as a child, so I mean it when I say that life is very precious to me. As someone who has lost friends and family members, whose friends have lost their children, and someone who is pro life, life is extremely precious to me. I know people who wanted to still be here but aren’t, though they fought tooth and nail to hold on to every last day. I know parents who’ve held their lifeless children in the arms and cried for hours on end; people to whom suicide is a giant slap in in the face.

I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but I think it’s time to start saying the thoughts we’re supposed to be too polite to voice. Suicide is inexcusable.

I don’t presume to know about Twitch’s mental health struggles; I have never heard of them, or seen them shared anywhere, but clearly he had to have had them. But that blank space is part of the problem.

Social media is full of BS facades that kids and even some adults think are real. People don’t show their struggles and their failures nearly as much as they show the Instagram-worthy, glorified version of their lives. The few people who are highlighting mental health struggles seem to be doing it for attention, making up mental illnesses daily, and creating pronouns and personalities to keep them relevant and allowing them to commiserate their nonexistent struggles with their nonexistent friends. Very little of social media represents reality.

If you are in the public eye, and you’re struggling with mental heath issues, maybe you need to remove yourself from that forum until you deal with the things you have going on. I know society tells us otherwise, but not everyone needs to make reels and have a public account with thousands of followers. It’s okay to post occassionally for your family and friends, and spend the rest of your free time dealing with your crap. Because otherwise, after years of sharing how happy you are, you suddenly check out and leave all the highly influential kids who look up to you wondering how the heck they’re going to deal with difficulties in life when the guy who they thought had everything couldn’t do it.

And everyone is sad. I get it, it is sad for his family, very much so. But it’s also simply messed up. We spend way too much time trying to understand the ins and outs of suicide. We want to know why we didn’t see it coming, if the people around them could have done something different, we tell each other that you never know what people are going through…

I’m sorry, but, no. People who commit suicide are making a terrible mistake they can’t take back. It’s a horrible decision that we’re not supposed to try to rationalize or understand. Instead, the conversation needs to shift to what THEY should have done differently. They should have spoken up about their struggles, and if they did they should have done it louder, and if that didn’t work then they should have done it LOUDER. And if that didn’t work they should have brought the entire world to a stop until they found someone to help them. Because life IS precious, and it’s time society remembers to value it. That starts with each of us reminding others to value it.

For Twitch’s wife and children, the holidays will always be a time to remember their loved one who committed suicide. I hope she doesn’t read this, because I wouldn’t be so blunt to her face, but it’s complete crap for that burden to be put on them and I don’t think we do the next generation any justice when we try to tread lightly on the situation. It doesn’t matter what the reasons are, suicide is a horrifically selfish tragedy. Don’t do it.